what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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