oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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