She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
