you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
