I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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