First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
