help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
