My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
