we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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