no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
