How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never joke about your clitoris.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
