I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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