Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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