I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize