I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
