Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
