did you get engaged???
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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