I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You made out with two different species that night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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