So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
