White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
