was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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