i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
