I must be too annoying 4 u.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
