just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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