textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize