he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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