I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How external is "for external use only"?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
