I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
