ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
