fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
