Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize
