Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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