Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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