i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
