it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
