but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
