That's when you crack a 10am beer
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
