she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
