id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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