Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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