i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
