WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
