Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
