Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
