I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
