You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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