I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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