youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so explain again why im purple
no
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
