What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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