I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
