And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize