cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
