how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
