doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
