She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
