Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
