So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
