Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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