The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
