Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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