It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
