So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
