pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
