Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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