Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
