I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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