The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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