Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If that was your dad, he is hot
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
