there's paper in my vomit.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
