Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize