Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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