its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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