Heybabeimwearingurpanties
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My balls are so social today.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize