Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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