Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
