Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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