I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
