if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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