Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
