I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
