Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
