the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
