Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
