ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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