Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
